A Letter to the Monster in My Head

Dear Monster in my Head,

Fancy meeting you here, in the darkest depths of my mind. You seem to be showing up a lot. Just chilling in my brain. Finding any tiny corner to take refuge. Bringing me down in my thoughts and causing my emotion and motivation to drop. Trying to control my thoughts before I successfully crush you until the next time.

Quite frankly, I’m really tired of your… ridiculousness. Yeah, I’m keeping it G-rated, because every time you fuel my anger, Monster, I can feel you winning.

We’re not in high school anymore. Although life may just well be an extended, presumably more professionally conniving version of high school, I don’t believe it has to be that way. I’m tired of having to do this dance every time I’m feeling like this world has conquered me. So, let’s face each other like the adults we pretend to have grown into.

Monster, I’m ready to take you down.

I’m here to tell you I’m taking full control – of my thoughts, mind, and outlook on life. I’m here to throw you out. My mind is no longer for you to occupy with your petty whispers.

Monster, this is me telling you to disappear.

You no longer have control on my thoughts. I will take on this world and live my life to the fullest potential.

I am in control.

I will find motivation in myself and the dreamers before me.

I will live with Islam as my way of life, Allah’s words in my heart and the teachings of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, on my mind.

I will find only the beauty in Allah’s blessings and let dua’ put me at ease.

I will speak my mind and never fear holding back from saying the truth no matter how difficult it may be at the time.

I will master control over my emotions – trust cautiously but love infinitely.

I will be good to my health and leave the worries of my weight behind me as I indulge in the piece of knaffeh.

I will surround myself with only friend I can trust to only pull me up when I am down and not find pleasure in my sorrow or use me as a punching bag to ease their own worries.

I will greet everyone with a smile no matter how much they test my patience sanity of my mind.

I will not turn my back to those who judge me on appearance but instead use my patience to educate them from grasping on to the ignorance they hold so dear.

I will be patient in the life that Allah has given me and understand that not only does everything happen for a reason, but after every winter, spring awaits.

Monster, don’t you know this life is too short and meant to be lived without your rude intrusions on my life?

I will complete my novels that are meant to be written and never lose hope that they will soon find their way to the hands of readers everywhere and a home among bookshelves.

I will have faith that I will one day find that one job that makes me happy and pleases Allah swt.

I will NEVER give up on dreams or settle for less.

I will be good to my parents and only pray that I continue to receive their blessings so that Allah can place barakah in my life.

I will always be here for my siblings for as long as I am alive and smother them with love and be the overprotective older sister that I was born to be.

Monster, I won’t change who I am for anyone.

I will continue to be the strong-headed, perfectionist, motivated, stubborn, insanely driven woman that my mama has raised me to be.

I will only choose role models who respect their minds, bodies, and souls.

Monster, I won’t let you bring me down.

I will not allow my migraines to bring me down to a state of depression and sense of failure.

I will continue to remind myself that I am human – with imperfections and a tendency to make mistakes that must be learned from, but this is the way that Allah has created me.

I will hold my deen above everything and let it lead me to finding peace in this world and love among my brothers and sisters in humanity.

Monster, I know you’re not going to leave quite so easily. You will try to wiggle yourself into my head every so often. I’ll be here to set you straight and continue to add to this list. I promise you, you’ll wish you had never messed with me to begin with me.

Oh, you think you can still stick around? You don’t think I can gain control over you?

Prepare to FAIL.

Goodbye, Monster, and good ridden,